I wonder how he's doing... My guess is probably doing nothing more than just working to live and living to work. I don't know why I don't see the people that I've spoken to in high school doing more than just being regular. Maybe that's the problem, that I (much like us all) don't see the potential in others, but their circumstance.
But back to Jay.. I really liked Jay. His then girlfriend drove a wedge between us with her insecurities. I cared about him though. I made sure that I always asked about his well being and his feelings.
I called him papa. Like Papa John (because his name was Jonathan), and I can tell that he liked that. One time Jay got into a motorcycle accident. I reached out to him with a text like "Papa are you good honey?" and his cousin wrote back explaining who I was writing to and asked "do you like Jay or something?" I was polite about the question but I had to think about what calling Jay "Papa" really meant and our friendship.
We hung out one time, and that one time changed us. I mean not to say that I didn't see him around school, but that one time we were face to face and our dynamics shifted. We were about to kiss and it was feeling so right; like it was appropriate for the hour. Stress and confusion, but also a sense of wonder and lust that was just beaming off of him. As though if we're to make love with our mouths we could make sense of it all.
I can only picture how it could've have gone done (sometimes even feel it.) We were breathing in each others space... and that's what scared us.
I went to visit my father that night. Jay said we had something to talk about. I guess we left a big "What if" in the air. All I could do was think about Papa on my father's couch.